No Friday

Meagan turned twenty-eight on Friday. We went to Nishino, one of our favorite sushi restaurants in Seattle and the place I took her last year for her birthday / post engagement dinner. Since that event predated my blog’s existence, I figured the one year anniversary of the occurrence was cause to tell the story. It’s a long one.

Planning

I had known as early as the beginning of 2007 that I would eventually ask Meagan to marry me. But I wasn’t really looking forward to purchasing a ring, which is a typical requirement for such an event. Every time I heard an EE Robbins or (especially) The Shane Company advertise on the radio, which was very often, I got annoyed. But as the year rolled along, I knew I finally owed it to ourselves to get over my fear and do it.

Meagan had recently started medical school, which obviously involves a lot of studying and long evenings, so I knew that the timing of the proposal was important. Since we were flying to my parents home near Philadelphia for Thanksgiving, and semi-coincidentally her parents were coming to our house that weekend for a “meet the parents” gathering, I felt it would be good to make our union official before then, since I knew they would want to celebrate with us.

Although I wanted to celebrate with our parents, I didn’t want to do the actual proposal there, since I wanted to give ourselves some time to ourselves to get used to it first. Unfortunately, there weren’t a lot of free weekends in the fall. I finally settled on the Monday night before Thanksgiving, which was the night after her last exam for the fall. Her birthday was two days later, when we would be at my parents house, so I figured I’d have a good excuse to take her out on Monday as her “Seattle birthday celebration” without arousing suspicion.

Ring Shopping

So, I finally settled on a target date. Next up, a ring. I won’t go into all the details, but my friends Valerie, who is a good friend of Meagan’s and has similar tastes, and her husband Andrew, who works in the jewelry business, were my wing-people. We went to EE Robbins a few times, and the people there were super nice and helpful. Eventually, after a lot of deliberation, I settled on a setting and a diamond. I was pretty confident in the setting I chose. Trying to pick a diamond is excruciating. They all looked approximately the same to me. Fortunately, Meagan loves the ring and even more amazingly, I lucked out and the size they had in the store was dead on.

I owe a lot to Val and Andrew for their assistance. Amazingly, Meagan was never suspicious when I snuck out to go ring shopping. I am a bad liar and had really lame excuses, like going camera or grocery shopping – but Meagan was too engrossed in studying to catch on.

So, about ten days before d-day, I had the ring. Each day I had it was torture. I was so happy that I finally had one and it looked great, I just wanted to give it to Meagan. But I wanted the event to be a little more romantic then “Hey, check out this cool ring I got, please wear it!”, so I patiently waited. Meagan’s birthday was now in sight, and she liked the idea of going out to dinner before we went to my parents house.

The Restaurant

Where to go? I originally thought of renting one of the private dining room’s at Canlis – in fact, I had a reservation for one at one point. But then I thought that was a little over the top. I decided going to one of our favorite sushi restaurants, Nishino, and ordering the “exclusive omikase” (chef’s special selections) would be more our style. Upscale and special, but still chill. Normally I try to surprise Meagan with where I take her for her birthday, but she was already a little suspicious of me, so I told her where we were going.

Asking Her Father

OK…ring – check. Dinner plans – check. The two major obstacles at this point were figuring out how I was going to propose (I didn’t want to propose at the restaurant – not quite our style) and asking her father for permission. I wasn’t foreseeing any problem with her father – he had treated me like family from day one and I knew he was supportive of us, but nevertheless asking wasn’t going to be easy. I didn’t want to ask too far in advance, because I figured once our parents knew I would start getting hourly phone calls “Did you do it yet?”.

I figured Sunday would be ideal, albeit cutting it a little close. The only person who knew before that Sunday was my brother. He called me once a few weeks before and when he asked me what I was doing, I casually said “ring shopping”. He was amused. I called my parents earlier in the day, and they were quite happy. So now I just needed to ask her dad.

Meagan left in the middle of the afternoon to go study, so I rang her parents at around 2:30 pm, which is 5:30 pm in Boston where her parents were. Her dad answered. He is a great guy, but tends to be very “to the point” on phone calls. I wasn’t quite sure how to ask, so I started with some small talk about their upcoming trip to PA to meet my family. I asked a few questions like “Did you get the hotel booked?”, and her dad just said “You know what Joe, I’m going to have you talk to Jayne, she has all the details.” Oh no! I simply said “Sure….”, cursing myself for missing the chance.

Her mom and I chatted for a bit, and I was nervously trying to figure out what to do. After a minute or two, we hung up. I didn’t want to call right back, since they were out for pizza, so I figured I’d just have to try again in a few hours.

Meagan came back, and around 5:30 pm or so, I decided to give it another go. This time I had to sneak out of the house. My excuse was to “go get coffee”. I am surprised that Meagan didn’t question me on this one – I can’t remember any other time I have left to go get coffee on a Sunday evening, but engrossed in her studies, she didn’t challenge. So on the way to the coffee shop, I called again. It went to voice mail. Damn it!

This time though, I figured I needed to step it up, so my voice mail message was something like “Hey Bill, it’s Joe. If you get a chance, please call me back, I have something important I wanted to ask you.” I was hoping that my “important” question would be fairly obvious and inspire a quick return call. A few seconds later, my phone rang, and it was her dad, too fast to have heard my message. I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity this time.

When I answered, he had a bit of a confident glee in his voice, as if he sensed what was coming. When I started with “I had something important I wanted to ask you.”, he quickly replied, “Oh, is this THE question?” I was a little tense, but I could tell he was going to have a little fun with this. I said “Uh – yeah – I’d like to marry your daughter.”

He couldn’t have been kinder to me, like he always has been. He said that of course I had his permission, and we had a great conversation. He did mention that I was “six months late” (which I traced back to when we moved in together!). Oh well. I talked with her mom for a bit as well, who was quite happy and crying.

So another major obstacle down. I later found out that her mom knew all along, from the first phone call, why I had called. Call it a mother’s intuition. She apparently tried to prevent Bill from passing the phone to her at the pizza place – in her head, she figured I don’t call very often and that the timing of when my call, shortly before their visit to meet my family, might signal a proposal. She failed to prevent the passing of the phone, but when she saw the missed call on Bill’s phone the second time, she lost it and yelled at him. Something like “You idiot! Why do you think Joe is calling you. How often does he call? He’s wants to ask you to marry our daughter, you screwed it up the first time, you need to call him back now!”. Or something like that. We learned that at the Friday dinner with our families. It did explain why it seemed he knew my reason for calling the second time around.

The Proposal Attempt

At this point though, I still hadn’t really figured out how I was going to propose. I thought of going to a scenic Seattle landmark, like Kerry Park in Queen Anne, Discovery Park in Magnolia, or Gasworks Park in Wallingford. But then I decided the best option would be to take Meagan for a walk around Greenlake, which is one of her favorite activities and close to our house. The plan was set! I would pick Meagan up from school after her test, take a walk around the lake, propose at some point, relax on a bench, go home, get ready for dinner, and then have a romantic birthday/engagement dinner at one of our favorite places.

There were, however, more than a few complications. First, I was a little late picking her up. I should have just took the afternoon off, but by the time I left, stopped to get some chocolate covered strawberries, flowers, a card, and champagne (things I largely could have planned a little better), it wasn’t until about five that I even got home. I also, somewhat wisely, realized that I should have a backup plan, so I lit a few candles in the living room, put on some nice music, and set up Meagan’s presents on the table. A little over the top, but still passable as “birthday romantic”.

So, I swung down to school to pick Meagan up, sometime between 5:30 and 6. Problem #2: it was dark and a little rainy, not really ideal Greenlake walking weather. Meagan often has to twist my arm on a sunny Saturday to go for a Greenlake walk, so I thought suggesting it under these conditions might arouse suspicion. Additionally, Meagan’s wasn’t in the greatest of spirits. She didn’t get much sleep the night before, hadn’t showered in the morning, and didn’t feel like she had done well on the test. I tried to little avail to shift her frame of mind to the birthday dinner we had planned. Not much movement yet.

I was panicking. I was so mad at myself. In the time since I first thought about proposing, there were any number of good opportunities for me to spring a romantic and memorable proposal. Snowy walks through the village in Whistler, beachside in Kauai, atop a mountain while camping in the Canadian Rockies, or along side Greenlake on an actually nice day. But silly me had to put all my hope on one day, and it wasn’t starting off well. And with our upcoming trip to PA (we were flying out the next day), I didn’t have much wiggle room. I thought in the worst case I could do it on her actual birthday at home, but I wanted at least a little time just to ourselves. But at this point, it was looking like the proposal was going to involve me throwing the ring at her and saying “Marry me, damn it!”. Not good.

So, in the car, as the rain was coming down lightly, I tried to remain upbeat. I tried telling Meagan that she probably did better than she thought (which is often the case), and asked if she wanted to go for a walk at Gasworks Park. It was nearby, and I thought that it might provide a little better cover than a Greenlake walk. “Not really – I really just want to go home, take a shower and a nap before dinner”. No, no, no!

I didn’t relent, though still cursed myself on the inside. Any day would have been better. As I drove home, ideas rolled through my head. One seemed plausible. I suggested stopping for hot chocolate at a shop near Greenlake – it’s a cute shop and I figured hot cocoa would fit the weather and allow Meagan to relax a bit. And then maybe we could walk near Greenlake for a bit. “No, can we just go home?” Damn it.

I ignored her request (awesome) and stopped anyway, hoping she would have a change of heart. At this point, the rain had mostly stopped, moonlight was streaming beautifully through the trees onto the lake. This could work after all, the gods are smiling on me! No luck though. Despite the warm and welcoming chocolate cafe, Meagan didn’t want anything. I awkwardly suggested we should sit outside, still hoping for a mood shift, but nothing. Dejected, and with Meagan shivering, I decided we should go home. Meagan put her arm around me, and I felt her hand go very close to the pocket where I had the ring. Worried that she might feel it, I jumped a bit, prompting a “What is wrong with you?”. Great, really great, Joe.

Somewhere in between that moment and her seeing the living room styled up, I think Meagan realized what I was up to. I am bad at concealing things, and she finally realized something was up. That allowed her to shift out of “post-test mode” and into a bit more of a celebratory mode – still it would take a little more time. She still wanted the shower and nap.

So, while she was in the shower, I decided there was one more planning detail. I reserved a limo to the restaurant. I hadn’t done so before, partly out of laziness and partly because I feared something like this might happen. But once I saw the mood swing and figured our living room would be a good place to pull it off, I made the call.

After her shower, Meagan asked if I would take a nap with her. I agreed, but I was still quite nervous. I tried to relax, but I lay next to her, motionless as a board. After about ten minutes of this, with my tenseness preventing Meagan from sleeping, she asked, would you like me to open some presents? I told her I thought that was a very good idea indeed.

The Actual Proposal

So, we went downstairs, and sat on the living room couch. I had hid the ring in the pillows on the lefthand side of the sofa, and nearly had to push Meagan out of the way when she almost sat on that side. Very smooth. I felt like Costanza in the Seinfeld episode where he could only make a move from one side of a girl he is sitting next to.

Once we were properly seated, Meagan opened a few of the gifts. I don’t remember most of them. After she was done opening the gifts I had arranged, I said “I have one more present for you”, pulled out the ring, got down on my knee, and then popped the question. Much to my delight, she said yes. We opened some champagne and shared the moment for a bit before calling our families. Due to my lateness, we didn’t have as much time beforehand to relax, since dinner was at eight.

The limo ride was quite nice, and we savored the moment, continued drinking champagne (we should always travel like that) and made a few more family phone calls. After all the planning (sometimes poor) and worry, I had accomplished what I set out to do, and despite my best efforts, it ended up being romantic, memorable, and everything I could have wanted it to be. And so, on November 19, 2007, we were happily engaged.

Dinner was amazing. Due to my excitement and, likely, the champagne and wine, I don’t really remember much of it. But it was perfect. Upscale but chill, a place we loved, just the two of us but surrounded by unknowing strangers.

After dinner, we took the limo home (somewhat sad knowing it would be a while before we had such transportation again), went to sleep, and then traveled to PA the following day.

Epilogue

Our families were thrilled. Wednesday, Meagan’s actual birthday, my mom made a nice dinner for us as well as a chocolate cake. It was great to be with them. Thursday, we had an amazing Thanksgiving dinner (Thanksgiving is always an epic holiday with my family). On Friday, the Dodges arrived, and we had another awesome dinner at Seven Stars in Phoenixville, a place known for their gargantuan portions of prime rib. Our families spent the weekend together, and it couldn’t have been better. On Sunday night, we returned to Seattle.

I somewhat intentionally waited a little while to propose because I know some people who have had very long engagements, and they complained that wedding planning filled the duration. They recommended avoiding that. However, late November might have been a little too late. We quickly realized that if we were going to have a summer wedding, we needed to get on it. Fortunately, despite a few stressful moments, we pulled it off.

One Year Later

This fall has been pretty stressful for Meagan. Second year of med school is intense, and her birthday this year was situated before Thanksgiving and three very hard finals, so Meagan asked for “no big surprises”. Since the Nishino Omikase experience the year before was amazing, but a little overwhelming due to the circumstances, she wanted to give it another go, without the high emotion of post-engagement. I agreed, we went, it was indeed amazing, and here we are, a year older, still very happy. I’m a lucky man, and I can’t ask for much more.

This entry was posted Monday, November 24th, 2008 at 12:14 am and is filed under General. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.