No Friday » Really?

Trying too hard?

jf — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 00:22:59 +0000

[This post was originally entitled "Trying to hard?", which my brother graciously pointed out was grammatically incorrect.]

An offer for some board shorts from Whiskey Militia earlier today.

A manufacturer’s warranty of “30 damn days”? Shorts that are “so damn rad that they totally don’t care how you squares spell ‘script’.”?

Really? Sounds like they have some overpaid wannabe hipsters in the marketing department. No wonder these are being offered at 80% off retail. I’d jump at the sweet price, but since I already have a closet full of clothes for “total badassery”, I should probably pass.

KR3W Rad Skript Board Short – Men’s:

The KR3W Men’s Rad Skript Board Shorts are so damn rad that they totally don’t care how you squares spell “script.” Shit, man, rules are for people, not radical KR3W board shorts that’ll set fire to your house, hotwire your car, and give your grandma the finger while they smoke reefer and spin donuts on your front lawn. And these trunks are just getting started.

Bottom Line:

These are the board shorts your parents warned you about.

Features:

Material:: Tough-ass polyester twill
Inseam:: As long as they want
Waist:: Drawcord way more than you ever will
Pockets:: 1 Right-side cargo
Fly:: Hell yeah, with a zipper
Gusseted Crotch:: Who needs it?
Recommended Use:: Total badassery, surfing your break
Manufacturer Warranty:: 30 damn days

When sending spam…

jf — Tue, 15 Jul 2008 05:04:23 +0000

Make sure that you process your email template variables – you don’t want to look stupid now and not enable people to check out your dating website, which I am sure is awesome.

Hi,
It’s john. I’m looking for a business partner. I’m an ebay trader. I have an offer for you which will help both of us make some money and have fun doing it.
If you have an ebay account, please contact me & we’ll discuss the details.
My email address is %DATING_LINK_01
Thank you

This email was sent under the subject of “eday offer”.

If you’re going to spam me, please make sure you spell check your email, check it for obvious grammatical and other errors, and include functioning links to your phishing, porn, Cialis, or online gambling website.

Thanks.

Junk Mail & The Environment

jf — Mon, 28 Apr 2008 06:28:19 +0000

Sick of lots of junk mail, I filled out a form with the Direct Marketing Association, which should help cut it down somewhat.

The funny part was the warning on the confirmation page – apparently I might be doing a disservice to the environment by stopping junk mail.

What? Printing, mailing, opening, and recycling lots of paper for junk mail, good for the environment. Really? Right.

Here is my admonition:

DMA’s Mail Preference Service

Important: You have selected to eliminate all mailings from organizations participating in the DMA Mail Preference Service.Are you sure you want to proceed?

The average household can save $1422 dollars per year from marketing offers. By eliminating all mail offers not only will you miss out on these savings, but you’ll miss out on at least 80% of all commercial offers and discounts!

And you will miss the environmental benefits of shopping at home rather than driving to the mall!

By replacing just two shopping trips to the mall each year with shopping by catalogs or direct mail, DMA estimates that Americans could:

Reduce the amount we drive by 3.3 billion miles.

Reduce carbon dioxide emissions by more than 3 billion pounds.

Save more than $490 million on gas costs.

When you click here, your name will be removed from future consumer prospect lists and you will see a significant reduction in all catalog and other commercial offers. If you wish to reconsider, click here.

DMA and all its members support the Commitment to Consumer Choice(CCC). These guidelines are designed to better serve consumers and your right to choose what type of marketing material you receive. If you have questions about the CCC please visit the DMA web site homepage.

www.the-dma.org